Why Every Mediator Should Champion Pro Se Mediation for Families with Children

We stand at a pivotal moment in the profession of mediation. We all recognize the inherent challenges within the traditional divorce litigation process, which often becomes expensive and contentious. It's a system designed to produce a "winner" and a "loser," making it inherently divisive. This structure often leaves clients who wish to remain amicable struggling to find a process that supports their mission. Furthermore, the legal process itself is confusing and overwhelming during an already difficult time. We've seen how fear-mongering within the industry can drive clients to "lawyer up," ironically leading them to lose everything, both emotionally and financially.

Beyond the adversarial nature, there are significant practical issues that exacerbate the problem. Disorganization within attorney offices can lead to significant delays, with months elapsing between communications. Clients often get lost in the shuffle as attorneys prioritize "higher priority" cases, potentially rescheduling mediations due to unexpected court hearings and causing months of unnecessary delays for cases that could have been resolved. Even in amicable processes like Collaborative Divorce, scheduling conflicts among multiple professionals and two clients can cause months of delays. The simple, yet profound, truth is that as money and time spent on the divorce goes up, the health of the co-parenting relationship goes down.

Our market is changing, and there's a clear demand for alternative options that offer more autonomy, collaboration, and less wasted time and money. The generations seeking divorce today don't want to "do things the way they have always been done". They prioritize mental health and work-life balance, consume information online, and have no patience for inefficient, cumbersome, or unnecessarily expensive processes. More parents are actively seeking divorce options that focus on their kids' well-being and the reduction of trauma and conflict.

This is where pro se mediation, particularly the Kids-First™ model, becomes indispensable. It's time to change the narrative and make pro se mediation a mainstream option.

Kids-First™ offers structured, step-by-step Pro Se Mediation for Families with Children. The process is designed for amicable, emotionally intelligent parents who want to navigate their divorce with less professional meddling, without losing everything they've built, and, crucially, to put their kids first.

Here’s how the Kids-First™ approach tackles these problems:

• Weekly Sessions for Momentum and Progress: We support weekly sessions because they prevent frustration and resentment. This structure ensures tangible progress, with decisions made and "black+white" progress achieved in the agreement every week. It helps rebuild communication, allows us to work through difficult topics rather than getting stuck, prevents negative impacts on co-parenting, and builds trust with the mediator.

• Flexible Filing: Clients generally do not need to file with the court before beginning the Kids-First™ mediation process. Most Kids-First™ mediation clients choose not to file at the beginning, instead filing everything at the same time at the end of our process.

• Strategic Financial Discussions: Our mindset on finances is to shift to finances ONLY when the Parenting Plan is mostly done. This ensures that even if financial agreement is difficult, parents at least have a playbook for their kids, which improves their day-to-day lives during the divorce. For divorce cases, we then focus on the Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA) and Child Support; for paternity cases, it's Child Support and Shared Costs.

• MSA Best Practices to Reduce Overwhelm: We know pro se clients often don't know what they don't know, so our job is to ask the right questions and manage the flow of conversation and information. Our overarching goal is to reduce overwhelm. We achieve this by focusing on one topic at a time, starting with topics most likely to garner agreement, and asking simple, fact-based questions. If clients don't know key information, we highlight it and keep moving, adding it to a homework list. If we hit a "landmine," we pivot away quickly and remind them we can come back to it later, preventing them from getting stuck or spiraling emotionally. We always bring the focus back to a less heated issue.

• Addressing Trust Issues with Finances: If there's a lack of trust regarding financial disclosure, it's not "lost". We can offer solutions like connecting clients to a CDFA (Certified Divorce Financial Analyst) or Business Valuation Expert to ensure financial transparency. We can also offer the Kids-First™ Collaborative Mediation process, which allows attorneys to drive financial disclosure while still prioritizing amicable resolution. If the issue is understanding, not just disclosure, a financial advisor can work one-on-one with a client to unlock understanding and readiness to negotiate.

Kids-First™ Collaborative Mediation: Traditional Collaborative Divorce is often cost-prohibitive for many families, with a starting price of over $20,000, making it inaccessible to the middle class. Our Collaborative Mediation model aims to cut down costs compared to traditional collaborative processes, promote efficiency in scheduling, and make it accessible to middle-class families. The key differences from the traditional model are significant:

• Instead of 4-5 professionals, we use 3 professionals: two attorneys and one mediator, with a financial neutral being optional or outsourced.

• Attorney retainers are cut in half to make the entry price more accessible.

• The Parenting Plan is done solely by the parents and the Kids-First™ Mediator to reduce costs.

• Financial meetings still include attorneys. To implement this, Kids-First™ Mediators need to be trained in the Collaborative process and develop a network of collaborative attorneys and financial neutrals willing to adapt the traditional process. Central Florida and Tampa markets are already using this approach.

In essence, the Kids-First™ framework helps us meet the evolving needs of our clients, providing an efficient, cost-effective, and child-focused path through divorce. If you beleive in the Kids-First™ mindset, we welcome you to take our training and join our community. Together, we can we truly make a meaningful impact on this industry and make pro se mediation more accessible to parents.

To learn more, visit us at https://www.kidsfirstmediation.com/mediators

For parents, visit us at https://www.kidsfirstmediation.com/parents